My daughter has surpassed all my expectations- both in her complete and total perfection as a fledgling human, as well as in her relentless and unforgiving mandate that I SHOW UP in my life everyday. She lives so fully in each experience, never regretting or second-guessing, never planning or projecting. It’s awe-inspiring- She has no self-consciousness to dull or mute her enthusiasm; she has no social awareness to temper her sadness or anger in order to keep everyone comfortable, and she challenges me to live as truthfully and honestly.
Every day she belies my doubts about my parenting abilities by rising to new challenges fearlessly and mastering the infinite minutiae of her world safe in the knowledge that I will always be here to catch her, help her, hug her and set her back on her feet. In her innocence and trust I see that my biggest fears are truly just my Ego swooping in with thoughts about “past” or “future” (things I know I can not change or control) rather than the wisest and timeless part of me that is forever firmly in the Now of this journey, believing in doing my best moment by moment and loving myself for the willingness to try.
My daughter is wise and spiritual in a way that is both natural, and profound. She connects me to the child I was at the same time as she reminds me of the woman I am today. She shows me what it is to really love unconditionally. She doesn’t even notice the few extra pounds I beat myself up for; she doesn’t care if my makeup and hair are done or if I only wear leggings for a week . She sees through the uncertainty and self-doubt and brazenly dares to LOVE me no matter what. It’s humbling and beautiful and I can’t quite believe she feels this way about me.
Raising a child has been the hardest and most subtly complex thing I have ever tried, and I am always afraid that I am getting it wrong. I look for answers wherever I imagine I may find them… but in the end, the most important questions that I ask myself, the most important lessons I am learning, are happening in my awareness of myself minute by minute.
I, too am a complete and perfect human just as I am. And not “perfect” like flawless, but perfect in that I am exactly who and what I need to be at this time in my life and I trust that I will evolve and deepen through presence, practice and love to become a richer and more authentic version of who I am meant to be. And I must hold myself to the example she has set for me- I must simply show up in every moment, love fully and let the rest take care of itself.