5 Things Veterinary Medicine Has Taught Me

1. We are not all playing the same game

Some of us are moving through life to accumulate- wealth, renown, relationships, experience; these folks tend to reduce everything to that common denominator. Some of us move through life to push our boundaries; these folks like to be uncomfortable and tend to shake up the “norm” for those around them. Some of us move through life seemingly at the whims of circumstance or the decisions of others, falling “prey” to the whimsy of fate. Often these folks bemoan their lot, never fulling owning their own power.Some of us long for connection and spend all our days reaching out to fill a void inside ourselves that we feel lovers, friends, children or pets could fill. These are just a few examples.

Our motivations in this life have an undeniable way of shaping our experience of our time here, and our relationships with others on this journey.

2. You can’t force others to share your values or priorities.

As you would expect, therefore, you can not change the driving force of others you encounter. If connection is your raison d’etre, you will struggle with the boundary pushers, or the accumulators. You may find your relationships with them a challenge. You may feel like you are speaking different languages and that common ground is hard to come by. What we must realize is that these people do have values and priorities that resonate with them and to truly connect, it is the job of the evolved among us to recognize and speak to those values. Each of us has our own thought habits to overcome to allow us healthy and prosperous relationships based on mutual appreciation and non-judgment.

We may feel misunderstood, or frustrated when we try to appeal to others based on our motivators. That frustration is a foolproof indicator that we are not communicating in the ways the other person needs. This is not to say you should manipulate others feelings to get them to view things your way, but rather true communication can only occur when you are willing to occupy the other person’s thought space.

3. Sometimes the cost of doing the right thing makes the right thing impossible

In veterinary medicine, as in many areas of life, cost can be monetary, or emotional. To provide the highest quality of medical care, one must assume a sometimes not insignificant expense. And sometimes that expense is more than our financial reality can bear. We are forced to choose between paying for utilities or following the treatment recommendations for our dear furry friend. Other times, you may be asked to end the suffering of a friend although you are devastatingly, and gut-wrenchingly unprepared to do so.

Whether financial or emotional, we may find ourselves paralyzed by the “cost”.

4.  There is often more than one right thing to do

This requires the kind of thoughtful appreciation of another’s values and priorities we have already discussed. We may offer an option that we feel is medically, financially or emotionally sound only to have the other person respond with “I can’t”. It is our job as empathetic people to dig a little deeper. We need to understand the motivating factors that drive the way others think and make decisions. We need to find out what is really important to them- carefully, and compassionately- through dialogue as equals.

In veterinary medicine we must consider: Do they want to ensure a pain-free end of life? Do they need to be strict with their money and make decisions based on other outside pressures? Are they uncomfortable with invasive or extensive medical procedures and treatments? Is there another family member whose desires they are trying to anticipate?

Remember- we are not all playing the same game… We have to allow that in any given situation, there may be more than one way to proceed.

5. You can’t care more for others than you care for yourself

One of my favourite analogies is that you can not pour from an empty vessel. You can not give to others when there is nothing left inside you. Veterinary medicine, like other caring professions, can take a huge toll on it’s professionals. They are placed in constant flux between the joys of new pet ownership, and the heartbreak of goodbyes bid to elderly companions. Many times we have been on the emotional roller-coaster of life, illness, treatment and passing right alongside the pet owners we serve. This job is very personal and can leave us exhausted, angry, jaded and even seriously depressed.

You must take the time to nurture your spirit. You must feed your body with healthy foods and replenish it with quality rest and vacation. You must seek help and support to navigate the ups and downs and you must always put yourself at the top of your priorities- regardless of the outside pressures to sacrifice yourself on the alter of Caring.

 

Above all we must remember that people- all people- have a deep desire to feel loved, appreciated and valued for their differences. By extending yourself just a little, you may change someone’s experience in ways you could never predict. Be willing to embrace that responsibility. The life you change may just be your own.

Why 2016 didn’t really suck that bad

Everywhere I look these days- and especially as December 31 winds to a close- I see posts on social media wishing away this year calling it the worst year people can remember and saying we have had nothing but doom and gloom and disaster for the last 364 days…

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m going to miss David Bowie and George Michael and Alan Rickman (and the seemingly dozens of others)

as much as the next gal. Not to mention I’m still grieving the results of the US election. But I think these blogs and countdowns are a symptom of the failings in our current way of looking at our lives and the world at large.

As most of you have probably heard before, our memories are Teflon for the good but Velcro for the bad. We tend to forget the good stuff and focus on the negatives- the losses, the mistakes. We even say things like “Yeah, that was good, but…” We simply can’t allow for positives to outweigh negatives. We skew our whole recollections to one rude receptionist, the one unhelpful call center employee, the one billing error and allow those skews to become our story. We even find ourselves competing with each other to win the “whose life sucks worse” award. We have all had that friend who when we have a headache, they have a tumour. When we have a bad day, they have a bad week. And to one extent or another, most of us do this.

What would life feel like if we released the “negatives” as we label them, freely and calmly from our thoughts? What could we see is possible if we allow that there are no real “good” or “bad” events in our lives at all? What if we saw each event as just that thing that happened that has no control over our enjoyment of THIS moment?

We trap ourselves in unhappiness by repeatedly identifying ourselves through the “bad” things that have happened to us.

We can view 2016 in the context of the number of deaths, the struggles of the few against the powerful, strife and warfare in countries we would have trouble finding on a map. Or we can view 2016 in the glow of the art we have been given over lifetimes; the triumphs (however uncertain) of dedicated, average people over the interests of big business; and the hope spread by the loving people opening their borders and their homes to provide safe refuge to those in need.

I’m not advocating a Pollyanna approach of unrealistic, blind optimism. What I am saying is that we can re-energize ourselves and our world by giving the beauty we are capable of as a species its due. Make room for the abundance and gifts of the universe to shine in your life. What is tended, will grow. You truly do find what you look for.

What are you looking for?

Letting Go of Thought Habits

A bad day, a fight with a friend, a rude client, a harsh criticism. We try to put things back in perspective by telling ourselves that these things don’t matter; we can release the way they made us feel,and yet we rewind our minds and see, hear, smell and taste them over and over- reliving every nuance. Imagining what we would say if we could do it over.

We have all looked back and felt- “If only I could let that go”.  We identify incidents in our pasts; memories we keep reliving; pains inflicted upon us that we can’t seem to move beyond… we know if we could just process and release these things somehow, we could evolve; we could become happier, healthier, and more of who we thought we would always be if only… We rob ourselves of today by replaying yesterdays.

Our day to day lives are filled with any number of examples of how we beat ourselves up for not being good enough- and beat others up for perceived slights, indiscretions, and insults. These thoughts make up a good portion of the background soundtrack of our daily thought habits.

If we could silence the noise we could find love,peace, relief.

So how do we do that? How do we “let go”?

The answer is deceptively simple:  first we must realize that all of the painful thoughts we have about how things should be, or could have been are just that: thoughts. And although we do most of our thinking in an automatic way, we can CHOOSE new thoughts. We can choose to stop replaying past hurts. We can choose how we respond in any situation. Once we realize that thoughts are chosen (even those thought patterns that have become habit for us, were once chosen) we can embrace the full power of choosing to entertain new thoughts.

The powerful act of letting go of unhealthy thought patterns will shift the way we experience our lives moment to moment every day. The past is done. The future is uncertain. All we achieve by focusing all of our thought ahead or behind us, is to rob ourselves of the joy of NOW.

And NOW is truly the only time we have to be happy, feel love, give love, and create peace.

When you hear yourself blaming or judging, be aware that those thoughts are stealing your chance to be happy NOW. Interrupt those thoughts. Replace them. This is a conscious and purposeful exercise in creating new thought habits that will free you from the pain and frustration of your old habits.

No one is saying it is going to be easy or quick to shift from old to new behaviours. You have spent years doing things the way you do them now. Be patient with yourself and recognize that every time you make a new choice in the way you view your world, you are removing one more brick from the wall of habit that has been holding you back.